Breaking the Binary: Embracing Playfulness in Gender Exploration

Why Gender Exploration Matters More Than Ever

Let’s start with a truth that should be obvious but somehow isn’t:

Gender was never meant to be a standardized test. There’s no passing grade, no final exam, no neat little certification that declares, Congrats! You’ve officially figured it all out!

And yet, so many of us—whether we grew up inside rigid gender norms or just absorbed them through cultural osmosis—have been trained to approach gender exploration like a high-stakes decision. Like we need to be 100% certain before we even think about stepping outside the familiar.

Here’s the thing:

certainty is a myth. And more than that, it’s a trap keeping us from our authentic selves.

Gender as a Playground, Not a Pathway

What if, instead of treating gender like a rigid path where one wrong step means you’ve lost your way, we treated it like a playground? A space to explore, to test, to stumble, to climb—without the pressure of getting it right the first time?

Children understand this instinctively. Given the freedom to just be, they don’t demand exhaustive labels before they play dress-up or insist that their stuffed animals maintain consistent pronouns across tea parties. They just experiment—exploring identity without shame or fear.

Yet somewhere along the way, we unlearn that freedom.

We are taught to fear uncertainty, to believe that we must have all the answers before we take even a single step toward self-discovery. But most of us only find clarity after we’ve allowed ourselves to move.

This is why queer identity, self-discovery, and personal growth go hand in hand. They require curiosity, courage, and—most of all—permission to be in process.

The First Haircut: Small Acts of Gender Liberation

For so many non-binary and gender-expansive people, the first act of playing with identity isn’t a grand declaration. It’s something small.

For SK, the guest on my first podcast episode, it was a haircut. 

Growing up in the rigid, binary world of dance, SK had been trained—literally—to embody femininity in a way that didn’t leave room for questioning. Every movement, every costume, every expectation reinforced a singular idea of who they were supposed to be.

It wasn’t until they grabbed a pair of clippers, looked in the mirror, and said wait, I can do this that something unlocked.

A single, seemingly simple decision—but one that cracked open a world of possibility.

This moment resonates for so many of us. Maybe it’s the first time you asked someone to try different pronouns for you. Maybe it was choosing a new name, borrowing a piece of clothing, or just allowing yourself to imagine a life that felt more you.

These moments aren’t just cosmetic—they are acts of self-advocacy. They remind us that gender is not a contract signed at birth—it is something we shape, something we navigate, something we get to redefine.

What If We Stopped Gendering Everything?

Parents today are trying to be more expansive. You hear things like:

• It’s okay if my son likes dolls.
• It’s okay if my daughter plays football.

And sure, that’s better than outright gender policing, but we’re still missing the point.

Instead of telling kids, It’s okay for boys to like girl things, what if we just said, It’s okay for kids to like things?

Because when we gender interests, we don’t just reinforce binary thinking—we make self-discovery harder. We set up expectations that will require years of unlearning. We make it more difficult for queer kids to recognize themselves before the world starts labeling them first.

Embracing Uncertainty in Gender Identity

If there’s one thing I wish everyone understood about gender exploration, it’s this:

❌ You don’t have to be 100% sure before you take the next step.

✔️ The only way to know if something is right for you is to try it.

So many people get stuck because they’re waiting for an unshakable certainty that will never come. But gender identity isn’t a test. It’s a process. You don’t have to swear an oath before making a single change. You are allowed to adjust, shift, experiment, and evolve.

And if there’s anything I want you to take from this, it’s this:

💡 You don’t have to have all the answers to take the first step.

💡 You just have to give yourself permission to play.

The Power of Queer Storytelling and Representation

The reason SK’s story resonates isn’t just because it’s relatable—it’s because representation matters. Seeing someone else navigate the journey gives us permission to believe in our own possibilities.

That’s why visibility on social media, in advocacy work, and in community support spaces is so critical. It’s why erasure poetry—transforming hate into art—resonates so deeply with queer audiences. It’s why humor, coping strategies, and shared language are essential tools in our mental health toolkit.

Because when we tell our stories, we give others a roadmap.

When we allow ourselves to explore, we give others permission to do the same.

And when we stop treating gender as something rigid, something fixed—we make space for actual freedom. 

Check out the episode here   |   Explore SK's work here  |  Follow the Podcast on Apple and Spotify